Why "Happy Wife, Happy Life" is BS

Please do not take what I say next lightly.

You cannot make your woman happy.

I get it. You love her. You see her struggling. She complains to you. You try your best to accommodate, cheer her up, and solve her problems because you know how much better and happier her life could be if she just...

[Play a scratching record sound in your mind here]

Look, I truly understand why you try to make her happy. But if you're honest with yourself, has it worked? Or have you faced the same struggles, talks, arguments, and "you never/you always...!" as before?

Has she blamed you for the same things again and again, no matter how much effort you put in or tried to accommodate to her needs?

This was exactly the story of one of my clients. No matter what he did and how much he tried to compromise, communicate well, and not upset his wife, she just wouldn't be happy.

Why?

Because she was unhappy with herself.

That's why "happy wife, happy life" makes about as much sense as selling ice cubes at the North Pole.

• It makes your happiness dependent on someone else's emotions. That's never a smart move because you can't control how that person feels or how they deal with what they're feeling.

• It makes you responsible for something you aren't responsible for. People are responsible for their own happiness and being at peace with themselves and that's something only they can do.

• It creates a dysbalance.
  Even if it makes you happy to make her happy, you focus on person's needs only.

This puts you in the position of trying to change something in her that only she can change. So, when you inevitably fail at this task, she unloads the emotions she holds towards herself on you because in her mind, you're the culprit. You’re the bad guy now because you didn’t satisfy her needs.

Ahhh, how evil these women are - except they're not.

It's basic human psychology first and a pattern you entertain second.

Here's the harsh truth:

Every time you try to make her happy and “change” her, you play your part in the cycle. You take responsibility for her happiness instead of encouraging her to grow.

Even worse, you lose yourself by giving in to her nagging and demands. There's nothing more unattractive for a woman, so if you have more drama than bangarang bedroom action, that's one of the reasons.

In the end, you're unhappy, she's unhappy, and shit goes downhill like dog poo on a skateboard.

I know what you're thinking - "well, I understand, but she's my partner - I want to make her feel better. I want her to be happy. I want our relationship to be great!"

I get it - but the path that leads you there isn't what you think.

Secret Sauce - This Week's Quote:

People can only make themselves happy.

All you can do is inspire, support, and educate - which is why the best thing you can do for her is to make yourself happy.

• Do something you enjoy

• Stand up for yourself and your boundaries

• Focus on your purpose, mission, and passions

• Create space for what makes you happy in your life

• Break toxic patterns and stop unhealthy communication

• Spend time with the people and activities you truly enjoy

• Work through the patterns that keep you stuck in your old reality

I know this sounds basic, but that's because it works.

When you're happy and full of energy, you have the capacity to support her on her journey with you.

I see it with all the men I've worked with. Once they focus on their own happiness and growth, they pull their partner into their new reality and she starts growing with him in a few weeks. Ram Dass has said it best:

"I can do nothing for you but work on myself. You can do nothing for me but work on yourself!"

🙏

All the best from a keyboard not far away,

Moreno

PS: If you want to know more about solving the struggles in your relationship and creating more intimacy, respect, and support, I offer premium 1:1 coaching. Book a free call here and I'll take a look at your specific situation.