How To Discuss Sensitive Topics Without Them Blowing Up (With Bananas)

Have you ever told your girlfriend/wife that you want her to lose weight?

Yeah, me neither. I like to live.

Some topics are as sensitive as fresh sunburn and have the destructive power of two average-sized nuclear bombs:

• Finances

• Sex & intimacy

• Past relationships

• The monster-in-law

• Family planning & parenting

• Stuff that involves triggers  & insecurities

• Any issues you've discussed a lot and that have an emotional charge already

These topics are so tough to talk about because they're connected to our fears, insecurities, shame, beliefs, and all the other stuff that makes us go ewww.

You can't just sweep them under the rug like cookie crumbs. I've tried. It ended in lots of resentment and a huge fight once it came up (at 7am... fun times.)

But if you don't know how to talk about them, they explode like a minefield during an earthquake.

One wrong sentence can turn a sunny Sunday morning into a thunderstorm.

However, there is a simple technique that will help you discuss these topics without blowing them up.

I-Statements.

Here's how they work (and I'll show you why they're so damn good after):

Simply ask yourself:

1. What have I observed?

2. How does that make me feel and why?

3. What would I wish for in the future?

4. How do you feel about that?

Answer these questions and share them with your partner from an "I" perspective: "I've noticed we haven't been intimate in a while. This makes me wonder if I'm still desirable to you. It also makes me feel disconnected and I would like to be closer to you. I'd love if we could talk about this openly and find ways to reconnect. How do you feel about that?"

Uhhh, mad vulnerability on the radar - and that's why it works.

No accusation. No blame. No expectation. Just openly sharing how you feel, so there's no reason to attack, defend, or argue.

And the last part? Genius. You invite your partner to share how they feel - and everybody loves to feel heard and seen.

Now, here's a bonus tip (because I promised you bananas!):

Have a code word for when you notice you get triggered or your argument escalates. My ex and me used "banana." When we said it, we went into separate rooms, took a deep breath and a few minutes, and ate a banana (that's optional, but damn did it help.) Come back and you’ll have a calm conversation instead of a furious fight.

So here you go, two insanely powerful tools to improve your communication.

Secret Sauce - This week's challenge:

Open a conversation with your partner using an "I-Statement."

Focus on sharing and understanding instead of blaming and expecting.

Observe how differently things go.

Don't be afraid of the tough topics.

Working through them is what creates intimacy, connection, respect, and support.

🙏

All the best from a keyboard not far away,

Moreno

PS: If you want to know more about reigniting intimacy, respect, and connection in your relationship, I offer premium 1:1 coaching. Book a free call here and I'll take a look at your specific situation.