We Burned Our Friend Alive

I'll never forget the sound of human flesh hitting a hot barbecue.

Like a chicken breast sizzling, only that none of us were hungry.

It all started innocently - a few teenage boys getting together for an afternoon of fun in the sun. But then, we had this one guy. He was a little... extreme.

Whether it was drinking, sports, parties, or anything else that made you the coolest monkey in the jungle - he was always the crazy one.

Of course, we encouraged him, chanting like bloodthirsty spectators in the arena.

On that day, it was once again his time to shine. All afternoon, we had barbecued on an old iron grid. When we packed up, the coals were still glowing.

I can't remember how, but someone challenged him to do a handstand on that hot grid. He hesitated - until one of us called him a p*ssy for not doing it. 1.7 seconds later, he was upside down, the palms of his hands firmly pressed against the hot metal.

The show was over in a few seconds, but the open wounds, bandages, and scars reminded him of what happened for months to come.

I'm glad nothing worse happened because there were plenty of opportunities for someone to lose a limb - or a life. (We once built a DIY potato gun with over 200m range - easily could've taken someone out cold with it.)

Damn, it was fun though - "boys will be boys" I guess. But at one point, you have to turn into a man. You’ll have to let go of the beliefs and patterns that served you back then, but don’t do so any longer.

If you don’t you’ll carry the toxic results and old wounds with you forever (I've been guilty of all of the following:)

• Self-isolation. You cut yourself off when you feel down because all you ever heard as a kid was "man up."

• Perfectionism/procrastination/performance anxiety. You think you have to be an A player all the time because performance was how you got love, praise, and validation as a kid.

• Struggling to connect deeply with others. You think vulnerability and emotions make you weak because it's one of society's main narratives and as a kid, you suck that shit up like a Dyson vacuum a pet hamster.

• Not asking for help and support. Again, needing or asking for help causes you to feel weak - and that's the last thing a man wants to feel.

• Overworking/addictive behaviors/numbing emotions. If you've never learned to process emotions in a healthy way (99% of humans never have), you'll always look for ways to escape - and in the case of overworking and drinking beers, society even glorifies it.

So far, so good - now, I want you to be brutally honest with yourself for a second.

Secret Sauce - This week's question:

Which of these patterns do you see in yourself?

How have they served you in the past?

How do they hold you back from achieving what you truly want?

Please remember you're in these patterns because you get a payoff from them - you might feel safe, strong, protected, and like you are yourself because you do what you've always done. But I invite you to go deeper - to face the part of the story you don't want to see. Examine which of your behaviors comes from fear, scarcity, and ego - and which comes from trust, abundance, and inspiration.

Understand your patterns and you'll be able to break them.

Grow from the burned boy into a powerful man.

All the best from a keyboard not far away,

Moreno

PS: If you want to break the patterns that hold you back and leave the old pain behind, I offer premium 1:1 coaching that will catapult you into a better reality. Book a free call here and I'll take a look at your specific situation.